The Big Bang Myth

There's a lot to enjoy about the Big Bang Theory, and a lot to question about both its premise and its execution.

Yes, I'm talking about the TV show. I really hope you didn't click here in hopes of hearing a cogent discussion of cosmological theory. Seriously.

Anyway, when the TV show debuted on CBS three years ago, it was fun to watch. I could identify with the characters (a little too much, sometimes), relate to their situations, and even get a lot of the "inside jokes." I disagree with Sheldon's take on Babylon V, but Spock's Brain really is the measuring stick by which all other sci-fi terribleness is judged.

(For the uninitiated, "Spock's Brain" - "Star Trek 5" is the "less filling/tastes great" of Trekdom.)

But is The Big Bang Theory really about nerds? Or is about how the cool kids imagine nerds to be? Several incidents, especially in Season 3, lead me to believe it's the latter.

Nerd Myth #1 -- On the show, the four nerds are inseparable. They do everything together, because if they didn't have each other, they wouldn't have anybody, and that would just be bad.

Truth -- Real nerds don't travel in packs. In the wild, groups of nerds are about as common as multiple-birth pregnancies. Twins are uncommon but not rare. Triplets take you aback for a second. Quadruplets get mentioned on the news. And if you have five or more, somebody is going to make an amusement park out of your house.

Corollary truth -- Most nerds are happier alone or maybe with one other friend. "Not having anybody" isn't a calamity to be avoided, but for many nerds a welcome respite from the chaos.

Nerd Myth #2 -- Nerds in Big Bang land handle the end of relationships relatively well. "Serial monogamy" is the norm, while the occasional one-night stand isn't out of the question.

Truth -- Really? Nerds NEVER instigate the end of a relationship. They do end, of course, but usually it's because the other person chooses to end it. And when the relationship does end, nerds tend to go into a depressive funk of self-loathing that would make a Scottish Presbyterian want to bake them a pie or something.

Corollary Truth -- Most nerds would rather have a relationship with the opposite sex than even Luke Skywalker's Lightsaber. Or the Ring of Power. Or Data's head. In other words, rare, precious, and NOT disposable.

Nerd Myth #3 -- The more we get to know the Big Bang nerds, the better we like them.

Truth -- Getting to know a nerd is like peeling an onion. You might enjoy the smell at first, but eventually he's going to inadvertently shoot acid into your eye. Even then, you might decide that the relationship might be worth the effort, but either way it's safe to assume that you're going to end up crying.

In short, Will Rogers never met a real nerd.

Corollary truth -- Nerds are fiercely loyal (see Myth #2), so when they do make you cry they'll have no idea what's wrong. They'll simply assume they have done something terrible and shrink back into their lair, and unless you go in after them you're unlikely to ever see them again. If a real nerd really likes you, he'd rather live without you than hurt you again.

Yes, I know it's just a TV show. And no, I don't suppose it's fair to expect somebody who spent his whole career on the popular side of his social world to really understand what it's like over here. I just hope that folks watching the TV show understand that the characters are nothing like anything you'd see in the real world.

These nerds are smart, beautiful, and completely imaginary.